The Ultimate Guide to Ruining your Vendor-Reseller Partnerships:
A Hilariously Terrible Partner Program
In the fast-paced world of business, it's crucial to stay ahead of the game. But what if you want to take a more unconventional approach?
Well, we've got just the thing for you: a foolproof guide on how to ruin a vendor-reseller partnership by creating a Partner Program so mind-bogglingly terrible that your resell partners will be running for the hills.
Buckle up, because we're about to unleash the chaos!
Exclusive Access to Outdated Training Videos: The '90s Called, They Want Their Tutorials Back
Nothing says "partnership" like forcing your resell partners to endure hours of cringe-worthy, outdated training videos. From the pixelated graphics to the cheesy elevator music, these gems will transport your partners straight back to the golden era of VHS tapes. Want to learn about the latest product updates? Good luck deciphering it through the low-res haze of nostalgia!
Mandatory Participation in the Annual Office Chair Racing Championship
Forget team-building activities or industry conferences – make way for the Annual Office Chair Racing Championship! Partners will be thrilled to trade in their business suits for racing gear as they navigate obstacle courses in their trusty office chairs. Who needs valuable business insights when you can have an adrenaline rush dodging the water cooler obstacle?
Cryptic Commission Calculations: Because Who Doesn't Love a Good Mystery?
Why make commission calculations straightforward when you can turn them into an elaborate riddle? Introduce a complex formula that involves the number of cups of coffee consumed, the phase of the moon, and the total number of office plants. Watch as your partners desperately try to crack the code, all while questioning their life choices.
Random Product Renaming: Because Consistency is Overrated
Keep your resell partners on their toes by randomly renaming products every month. One day they're selling the "Super Mega Turbo 5000," and the next, it's the "Ultra Extreme Velocity X." It's a great way to test their adaptability and see if they can keep up with the ever-evolving world of nonsensical product names.
Customer Support Hotline Featuring On-Hold Karaoke Competitions
Who needs prompt customer support when you can have a karaoke competition instead? Force your resell partners to serenade their way through Mozart's greatest hits while on hold, desperately awaiting assistance. Bonus points if the hold time is longer than the average rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody." Because nothing says "customer satisfaction" like a partner with a sore throat.
And there you have it – the ultimate guide to turning a perfectly good vendor-reseller partnership into a hilarious disaster. Remember, the key is to keep it weird, wacky, and completely impractical. Good luck, and may the partnership odds be never in your favor!
What is your favorite program feature that your partners are really sold on?
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